First time, it’s always very unhandled, you don’t know what is coming and whether what you expect will happen like that or not. My first time trying out a violin happened very awkwardly and vulnerably. I’ve listened to many violinists playing but I did not expect that it’s this at the beginning. I opened the box and was so eager to tighten the strings to quickly get to hear the first sound but it turned out that there was no sound, I was waiting and waiting but nothing happened. Reacts of my family members were like “so it’s not working? you should not have bought this cheap violin”. It kinda hurts. I just wanted to start small and judgement just does not help to encourage me here. I then locked myself into my room to fix the strings, to rosin the bow, to search it up online to see if anyone has faced the same situation. I am so new to this instrument and it’s also very new, everything is new and of course I am not good, so when others expect things to be good, you have nothing other than pressure, all the joy and eagerness just go away immediately if you don’t know to control your emotion well. I just don’t like that just because it’s cheap, people think it’s not good, that’s biased. It reminds me of the first time I coded, it felt really intimidating and insecure. Doubts and judgements are definitely dream killers and expectation is usually a chemistry for these. Doing something with no or low expectation usually yields better results because we can just do it, all we can. When we have doubt, our energy is already being cut from full, like we do it but afraid to fail so failure is even more likely to happen. In this case of trying a violin, one I was not even sure whether I am actually into it just through listening, two I am not a professional so I don’t need a good violin right now, starting small is good, I can upgrade if I want later. Probably I am taking it too serious because people are evaluating whether it’s good and their opinion of having a good enough one even just to try. Good or not does not matter to me since I need to learn to play with it first, my curiosity is not going to be eroded just because the sound is not coming out nice, isn’t it?
