Getting stuck is really frustrating. It feels like there is no way to move forward. That is what I have been going through these days.
As a self-motivated individual, it is strange to see myself not being energetic. The present is fine but looking ahead, I do not feel excited. Perhaps, this is the cool depression that I have been reading from books. I also do not know what to figure out next. It feels as if I am crawling through a dark tunnel.
The first question I have tried to ask myself is WHY? What did I do that leads to this situation. This year I have faced too many setbacks that I wonder whether my effort will be paid off. More importantly, perhaps, I have closed myself off and have been afraid to be vulnerable, which prevents me from connecting with other people. I have tried to try everything I can, however, something still does not feel right. Or maybe because I have moved too fast that I left some people behind? Perhaps, I know what my next growth should be, I have just been avoiding it.
Being raised to always striving, this is not normal for me to move a bit slowly and unsurely. On the other hand, I accept my feelings as they are. We are not supposed to be happy and up mood all the time. And perhaps, there is no need to get rid of those feelings right away, but to go through and understand them. I know that the road I am taking is not pleasant and not conventional, but as a human, I crave for the lightness and the excitement sometimes. Having said that, being bored is not necessarily bad if I am taking actions to change my situation.
Above all, let’s take a step back to appreciate what I have got. To still have foods to eat, to still have energy to do what I want to do, to still have family around, to still be given opportunities to work and contribute, to have good coworkers, to still be given chances to try are true blessings. Wanting what I do not have might create suffering while working toward my goal is what I should be doing and focusing on.
Let me keep walking, with grace, appreciation, and courage.
