“Sister Vita Marie, I know you are not here anymore, yet I have seen on the redbud tree, are you one of the birds passing by my workplace, or the people who have smiled with me? … Your love remains with me, your sweetness and warmth never go away”, a voice in me was trying to talk to myself. It has been several days since my dear friend has left the earth. I thought I have been quite awake to face with what happened.
I met sister Vita over 5 years ago, in Boston, when I just came to the U.S to pursue my master degree. She was the one who welcomed me on the first day in this country with a note “Please eat all of the eggs in the fridge”. She was also the one who helped me to do makeup for my first ever Halloween party. She gave me candies, took me to Savers to buy some clothes, brought me to church, and gave me big hugs. I never came to her to ask for anything, just her smile was enough for me. It was such a sweet love coming from her. Despite the gap in age (I was a 20 something kiddo while she was an 80 something senior), we always unite like friends, having fun and playing tricks with each other.
Seeing her on her deathbed, struggling to breath was one of the profound experiences I have ever had in my life. I just knew I stood there and was crying non-stop. I was angry that she was not responsive. I just did not understand why no one was being there for her, taking a good care of her, why there was only her in the room. Her chins showed clear, her mouth kept opened, she was breathing lightly, almost as if the breath might go away easily. No, that was not sister Vita I have known, the one who made jokes, gave big hugs, and smiled warmly. And why the nurse kept giving her morphine every 6 hours, she was in good condition right, she did not have any disease other than a trouble in remembering things. I was not prepared for all of these.
After my tears were dried, I started telling her everything that had happened to me during the last two years, the people I have met. I told her I have not kept my promise in finding the one and showing her yet. I grabbed the comic book and read for her, with a wishful hope that she might laugh at some point. I was holding her hands, kissing her forehead, and whispering stories to her. There were two times she did open her eyes, one was when I mentioned about the next step in my life that I need to figure, and the other was when I said goodbye to leave and go home. Not like eye to eye, but those mean a lot to me. She knew I was there, she just could not respond, but sister Vita, I got it, you were sending me some signals, those were all I needed. I was so happy to learn more about you through the book your sister wrote about you. I was very glad that I got to know you. You have lived a great life, now perhaps, you need some rest.
Why do the people who love each other cannot be together forever? I have had this question from movies to real life, and it is still a hard truth I cannot bear. Losing someone we care about is sad. I did not want to acknowledge that I should be fine and move on with my life. But, I believe, sister Vita is always there with me, in some ways, to support me and love me for who I am. I love you, sister Vita.
