Every time I visit my aunt, I cannot stop myself from being awed. She is one of the strongest women, one of the great people in my life, and also one of the people I am most touched. Most if not all of my friends have heard of her because she usually appears in the stories I have shared with them.
She came to the US at her thirties. She managed to be a working mom, yet was determined to start everything again by going back to college. Now that she gets a good job as a dental assistant, she still wants to pursue a higher education to get a better job. She is really into pursuing wealth.
She works for two jobs yet manages to cook restaurant-quality foods for our family. Food is the love language between her and us. She cooks and we eat, that is how we exchange love. Foods to her standard are not only tasty but also eye-catchy. To her, foods that do not look good are not worth to even try. From Youtube or whoever she can learn from, she has cooked for us every single Vietnamese dishes that is served in the restaurant and at home in daily basic.
She has a great sense of aesthetics. Every corner in her house is designed and decorated beautifully, which impresses plenty of people who has visited her house. Whatever choice she makes for a dress or an outfit is usually the best, not only for her but also for everyone else. She stands for art and beauty. She is a perfectionist, at heart.
She is incredibly entrepreneurial and resourceful. I used to make a joke with a friend that if I ever start a company, I would hire my aunt. Every time I come to her or even just accidentally mention a problem, she would jump right in to give a solution she could think of. She makes plans for everyone. She sees everything as opportunities and she keeps telling us that America is a country for opportunities. If there is something she cannot do, she would tell everyone else that idea and expect them to do it, because to her, it is a good opportunity. She once told me that she is embarrassed with her English skill and does not think she can improve much at this age, otherwise she would pursue to be a real estate agent, because that job can make her rich, then she suggested me to go and do it since I can speak a better English, I could not stop myself from laughing but to my heart, I got to understand her desire of escaping the poverty, her aspiration of changing the situation, of having a better future. She wants good things happen for everyone around her. She was the one and the only who ever told me “You can come and stay with us for however long you want to”. No one else has ever said that to me.
Having said that, I always wonder if she is truly happy and if there is any moment she can be totally herself. She does not have much ME time nor have much idea of whether she should be spending time for herself, as if it is selfish to do that. She is also judgmental, which I am sure most of the times she did not mean to judge. She inspires me to not give up, to not take for granted any opportunity, and to take action but she is also the one who helps me realize that I want to be more kind and more loving than her, that life is more than just doing and achieving.
Sometimes, being taken care by her, we just dream to see her smiling and laughing out loud, or even just to have her sit down and be present with us, sadly, it rarely happens. Besides, I am concerned about whether she has someone to share about her own problems and worries as she always seems to appear strong to us and to her husband, which makes me think that she must be lonely sometimes. I once gave her a present on her birthday but she rejected to receive it, which left me a question of how we can love her more.
From my observation, her perfectionism tends to put her under pressure and stops her from enjoy every moment. Her judgmental mind prevents her from being vulnerable and from connecting with each individual around her. Her entrepreneurial and ambitious spirit rushes her and everyone she cares about in their journey. Her restlessness and enthusiasm take her away from listening to everyone around her and from embracing them for who they really are. It seems that life to her is a constant battle and competition in which she definitely does not want to lose, and to which she would sacrifice anything to make what she wants happens. I am sure she understands there are lots of things she cannot control, yet, she seems to have a hard time to stop her from being in control and from expecting everyone to do what she thinks is good, which makes her and us suffer altogether. To me, at the end of the day, she wants to care and love, just not in the right way and I still hope she is on her way learning to be better at them, otherwise, she is pushing people she cares about away from her.
No matter what, we love you and appreciate you, auntie!
