‘Hesitate’, the most ugly dress I never want to put on but I tend to wear it a lot. My friends and family know that I am so hesitated, I often going back and forth when it comes to decision making. Why?
I think mostly, here and there, there are certain needs I have but I compromise and then I am not fully at peace with the initial decisions. Therefore, that process of flipping although might irritate and annoy people around me, actually helps me to understand my unmet needs. Sometimes, I got to accept that someone might beat me because of my indecisiveness. Yet, life is short, we are all drawn to follow our guts and see how things go.
I even think that we do not necessarily need to be decisive all the time. It can be worth to explore all the options if we have time and to go in to discover what we truly want. Imagine that you have all of these thoughts and feelings and just bury all of them down, someday, those may come back and there might not be a second chance for you to satisfy them anymore.
“Do not give up too easily on what you want, and just do it, as long as you will not die, everything will be okay”. I always need to create this kind of safety net whenever I want to push forward a risky decision, a decision that takes me out of my comfort zone. These kind words can calm me down and give me a space to embrace myself, to feel that I matter too.
Being through indecisiveness, I tend to be curious about how I can get better at it. Most commonly I will weigh between what I value and what I want to try. If you are the kind of people who know what is important to you, it is fairly easy to realize whether a decision aligns with your values. However, we as humans are complicated, our values might slightly change too, or two sets of value fall into two different options, both you treasure so you end up not knowing what to choose. In intense situations, I usually pamper myself that “there is no right or wrong decision, only the one you choose matters, so choose whichever your hear desires more”. Yet, our heart and soul have such subtle whispers in which we need to calm down to be able to listen to them. It takes rest to set yourself in a state of stillness too, although I know that it is a luxury for many people. When there are too many things going on, we tend to look at the options at surface or are under pressure to quickly make a decision without thoroughly examining each option. If we pay attention, we will see what is underneath that stresses on each decision. “I should choose this because this will make this person happy”, “I should not choose this because this is not nice”, “I should select this because this will make me look good”, etc These might come from your family, your society, how you are raised to be, but have no rationales to back them up at all. Perhaps, the key question is if you try to make other people happy, will you be happy? And the other way around, if you go with what you want, what are you afraid of, is it worth taking the risk? Not to mention, most of the times, we just assume that if I choose this, it may upset or hurt other people but we never know, they may be thinking about you like how you are thinking about them. Therefore, your biggest enemy is always just yourself, we tend to just worry more than what we should be worrying about.
All in all, there is no best way to make a decision while there are tons of decisions out there to make, from small to big, from what to eat to whom I should be with. Hence, give yourself some time and some space to explore what you want under any circumstances, yet, accept that you might make mistakes, and that you will have to bear with consequences. If you can accept the worst case, go for it, without any hesitation, you will not die! Most importantly, being hesitated is normal, sometimes, we make one decision and realize that we want the other decision even more and that is okay too. At the end of the day, the worst decision is to not make any decision.