Sometimes, it is hurtful for me to realize how many times people have sent me a message that “you are not good enough”.
Growing up, every time my dad dropped me at school, he kept telling me that “keep trying, showing people how tall you are”, because to him, the sky is the limit. And I have lived with that belief. On one side, that is a positive mentality that helps me to push myself forward. On the other side, somehow, I wish I could have defined my own limit, instead of striving to achieve more constantly. I cannot thank my dad enough for never stopping encouraging me, yet, I now need to learn to surrender and step back sometimes, I crave for figuring out my own version.
Going to school and then going to work, there have been countless times where my teachers and my managers pointed out to me what I needed to improve, to a point that sometimes, I got surprised by their feedback. I wish there were more love, more kindness, more understanding, and that every day, they appreciated me for who I already am and helped me to unlock my own potentials. Don’t get me wrong, without them, I would not be like who I am today, yet, it always felt like a constant battle, that it is almost never enough.
Now, what can I do about it? I could not go back and change the past. I did fight with many limiting believes. The one and only thing I can always do moving forward is to stand up for my self, for what I believe, and for what I think is right, no matter how much people have criticized me. There is always an opportunity to come back and appreciate myself for what is in me, both good and bad, and for what I will be growing more. It takes courage to go against the current, the convention, however, it will be worth it. It does not mean I should try to be right all the time, but to learn about myself, and be a best friend for myself. I am far from perfect, do not know many things, and have a lot to improve. However, I will not let anyone stand in my way, anyone who has no faith in me, and anyone who does not lift me up.
If tomorrow is my last day, today, I want to continue learning, growing, and loving, no matter what.
