Born as a female in a third word country but growing up I never felt being left behind or being underestimate because I am female. I am very close to my dad and he has always encouraged to be brave and to go ahead with what I want and aim for. He was the one who inspired me to challenge things up to see how tall I am, to ‘why-not’ and to try things out to see how it works. Therefore, whatever fires my ambition or ignites my curiosity, I give myself the privilege of chasing it. I never bother wondering ‘because I am female, …this…that…’ I considered myself equal as other guys in my class or in whatever group I join. I am young, wild and free. Partly because I was lucky enough to surround myself in good environments: A class, high school for the gifted, top university, the world to me contains only good people. Partly because when I was at home, my dad was the only man I look up to, the man I have admired and I did not have enough judgment back then to see whether he treats my mom well enough but one thing I am sure that he is a good man.
Then I started getting to know more men through relationships, I started being hurt and I started thinking more about women vs. men. However the notion of good and bad women empowerment has not been clear till I got to America. You don’t know the good until you are exposed to the best. America inspires me with the sweet scenes in which old gentleman holding hand of old lady walking, dad carries on baby, man holding doors for woman, lady first culture. Nevertheless, that’s only the cheesy life outside. Inside, where I have been staying with my family and where I had to witness my aunt live up to family tradition. She has tried to be a good wife by cooking for the whole family. She cooks even before she could brush her teeth. She cooks while everyone else is eating on the table. She cooks all the time, in her free time. From what I see, it must have been guilty for her to not fulfill her traditional wife and mom role. Even having been away from the homeland, that pressure stays with her probably forever. And she is just literally replaying the role of my mom at home. I do not judge her but I judge the old social system in my home country. I am mad at the way the society put on a woman that she is the only one who gives birth, she is the only one who cooks and she is the only one who takes care of family. I can’t believe that in this modern world there still exists the construct of ‘men go out hunting and women stay home building the nest’, ‘men take lead, women follow’. It just limits women’ ability and take away their choices. Nothing is more brutal than that. My mind is always stirred by questions such as: “why don’t we just start as all humans and do whatever we are good at?”, “why don’t women just cook because she wants to cook rather than she has to cook”, “why don’t men and women share responsibility to build a family together”. It is not to against the idea of women taking care of family and against her feminine but to embrace those with cheers, honor and appreciation. It is to empower women to stand up, speak up and love themselves more. Women also work and contribute by their talents, but they are also emotional and have to carry more pain from giving birth as well as hard work from raising kids, why can’t they have a moment of pride? And if it happens that she cannot cook a day, why can’t she be understood so that she is never left with guilt?
Whenever watching a movie in which there is a familiar scene that a woman has to follow a man that she has to sacrifice her own freedom or her dream, I was like WHY? Or like recently, I read Born A Crime and witness domestic violence, I agree with the author’s voice that ‘why don’t they leave?’, ‘why women have to stand all the violence?’, ‘why a woman has to stand a horrible man?’. It just does not make sense to me. I remember when I came to visit Turkey and barely saw any women on the street, even in the Grand Bazaar, all sellers are men, I could sense of something unusual and I was curious to ask ‘where are women in this world?’. A seller told me that ‘this selling job requires a start early and it’s such a heavy job so men usually take the lead, women only stay at home and take care of the family’. Yes selling is a heavy job!? What he told me even affirmed the sense of mistreat to women and after doing more research online, I learnt that in this country, from the past, the role of women has not been appreciated, a lot of women are banned from going to school and being hit at home. It’s just sad to hear that’s still nowadays. I just want to yell at guys: “Women are the most beautiful creatures in this world, let their beauty shine!!!”. It’s even worse that some men thought their manhood is reduced if their women get a bit stronger. Men, if you truly love your women, love her by who she is, not how she is supposed to be and the moment you love like that, you are most manly. To women, marriage tends to be considered as gamble but ladies, make good choices, spend more time if you need to have that good choice, love yourself more.
