I do not remember the last time I dreamed. Perhaps, I have been staying too close to reality that I thought having a dream is impossible. I almost forgot that how my dreams had taken me further, like a kite flying into the sky.
One of my dreams was to live in the city. I was born in a countryside area and always felt like my hometown was a tight shirt that soon I wanted to get out to explore. I remember the first time visiting the city when I was in eighth grade. It looked so big, so busy, lots of things going on. The feeling of sitting on a motorbike, enjoying the breeze, and looking out to high and lightened buildings. I was both overwhelmed and excited by how many people there are in the city. I loved it, once crazy about it as well. Yet, I did not know that I could make the dream come true.
From a hometown to a city, from one city to a bigger one, and from that bigger one, I dreamed of getting out of my country. F.R.I.E.N.D.S was one of the series that inspired me to live in the U.S. I love that freedom, freedom to speak, and to be anyone, doing anything. At least it felt so free. No one was supposed to judge you, or put you in a box. I remember the journey of pursuing that dream. Sleepless nights of reviewing GMAT, of writing essays, of being rejected, over and over again. All of the frustration, disappointments, doubts, they were all parts of that journey. Yet, there was always hope after the tears. It was very humble, and rewarding, yet also painful. It felt like I had to break myself apart, to put the pieces together in a different way, the way that would convince the schools to give me a chance to get to the U.S, to prove that I deserve it.
One year, one more year, one more year. I started becoming more attached to the country. I was afraid of one day waking up without hearing the English speaking sounds around me. I was concerned about how it would feel to go back to my home country. I have become a different person that the one that left several years ago. Perhaps, those cultivated a new dream in me, a dream of being here, in the U.S, officially and legally. Sometimes, I was not very sure about that dream, simply because the journey to get there was extremely challenging. It felt far of reach. I only know, in the bottom of my heart that I do not want to give up, not yet. However, when things get tough, the dream has faded, like it was never there in the first place. I doubted myself of where the dream came in the first place, and do I truly want it.
It is beautiful to dream. But, dreams are not born to be buried. Dreams are there to remind us how it is worth it to live, and what it means to battle with yourself to pursue what is worthwhile. Never stop dreaming, because you never know where it will take you.
