Right now, at this moment, I am in pain, a familiar back pain, yet it is more irritating. The ache indeed has taken away my smile and my energy. And suddenly, I miss my dad and his humming of Vietnamese classic songs. I wish he were here with me because I need his support.
Times like this, I question myself a lot whether it was a right decision to leave home so early. Half of my life so far has been away from home. It at least has taught me that nothing can be compared to home where you can feel totally yourself. Home is a place for you to return, a place where you are always welcome whether you have messed up.
The ache also reminds me that I am so limited, that I cannot do everything, at least all at once and that life is not permanent. My dad’s mentality toward pain and disease is something that will go away soon. I am not sure whether it is right yet it is comforting to hear that.
I have been a tough kid who is not afraid to risk her own life to pursue whatever she wants. Yet, at this point, I have no choice other than surrendering to take care of myself. One step back to hopefully make a stronger step forward. All I want at this moment is to have my family next to me although in reality, it is not quite the same. I could only picture what my mom and dad would say and do to me. Yes, your family matters to you. No one ever can love you that much and unconditionally other than your parents.
As hard as it is, pain and ache teach us a humbling lesson that at the end of the day, what matters is not those shiny things, but the people who are close to us that we sometimes complain about, and our health that we at some points take for granted.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable and it is depressing, yet, thanks for coming and reminding me, the ache!
